Going Westside, Yo.

Wednesday morning I'll be headed your way, taking John's sister to the airport. As I will have my four and her two kids in tow, it is certain to be a crazy time.

Please call in sick and go to the Zoo with us. (Or maybe the aquarium, I imagine it will be whichever I can find the easiest.)

Please, please call in sick.

That is all.

Them Canucks, they's sensible

Rock out with your cock out!

I'm seriously considering emigrating and I'm not even a Nancy Boy.

I just wish Canada would invade our sorry asses already so we could be a progressive grown up country, too. (They could just invade the North. Cut it off at the Mason-Dixon Line, and take Nevada and California, too. Then the US of A could go Ahead and become the US of JC and we could live in peace.)

Taxes, Smaxes. I pay $8400 a year just for health insurance. And that is with a 750 deductible.

Not much to say...

But that never shut me up before.

John went to Portland today to buy some Gondola displays for the new store.
Sounds romantic, don't it? Like the streets of Venice.

But Crashing back to retail, it's really This:




Hot, no?

So my point, if I indeed have one, is that I've been here since 9AM with first two, then four, children. And they are not in bed yet.

Soon, I pray. Soon.

So tomorrow I am painting the mildew in the bathroom. I plan on buying the most heavy duty Kilz ever made and going for it. If you don't hear from me for a few days please assume I am either:

A) High from the fumes
B) In a coma
C) On my way to Ecuador, to Join the Resistance

Nice to see pic of the Giz, nice to see a note from Paintingchef. She's a hoot. Do you feel as though you've been touched by celebrity?

Also, check out suburbanbliss. I can't remember if I linked her before but DAMN. Funny, funny shit.

I guess I'll put the children out now.

BOOM BOOM BOOM

Nicole

UPDATE:

On proofreading, I noticed the last two lines appear as though I am shooting my children. While there was a point in my life when that would have seemed HILARIOUS, those days are over. I was trying to reference that really stupid Luke Skywalker song. I was not shooting my children. Although far be it from me to judge anybody, you know, if that's their thing.

Wierd Science

She Blinded me with SCIENCE

A whole lot of nothin'

It was great to see you guys this weekend. FYI I am smoking a cigar, because we are out of cigarettes and I am to lazy to go buy any. The cigars is nasty, but cheap. $5.50 a carton vs. $5.50 a pack. But yucky. I can feel the cancer growing as we speak.

How's the biscuit adjusting? I love her. I want her for my very own. You must be working from home today, correct?

Well I am absolutely bored out of my mind. You should totally meet me and the babies somewhere halfway. I'll make a picnic. Wouldn't that be nice?

Not likely to happen though. The Gas, she is expensive, no?

Well. I have started another blog. Because I am so bored, I will be dedicating it to my never-ending quest for a tidy house. I call it the Accidental Housekeeper, and if you are so inclined to look at it, be warned: Not so much of the funny. Mostly of the boring. And the cleaning. I have also changed my moniker to Accidental Housekeeper. Because I'm fickle like that, yo.

Well, I am off to begin my day, such as it his. Enjoy your stories as you work from home!! I want to see a biscuit post soon.

Juke Box Hero,

Nicole

Infidelity

I don't know how it happened. I was responding to a comment left at blurbomat and I don't have another blog, and there was a space to put your URL there and I , I just panicked. Maybe it was the wine, maybe it was the full moon. It didn't mean anything, honest.

I left the URL for yo! linder, (THE BLOG I MADE SPECIALLY FOR YOU) at blurbomat.

It has nothing to do with the fact that he's this hot.

Really.

If you're reading this , DJ Blurb, it was a one time thing. Quit calling me. I am a married woman with a gay boyfriend on the side and my life is just TOO DAMN COMPLICATED RIGHT NOW.

Talk about perverse...

But I still have a overwhelming itch to buy it for you.



Same as it ever was,
Nicole

A new blog addiction...

This one's short and sweet. Not many posts in the last year, but really intelligent.

They will Know us By our T-shirts.

Start in the archives so as to have time to warm up to the religion. I love that this guy is a seminary student... we need more like him.

The way on down..... and good urination choices.

So the first leg of our journey took us to Klamath Falls at 10PM. There was only one hotel room left in town, which was so disgusting I couldn't sleep for fear of bedbugs. Seriously. But I showed those mofos...I accidentally stole the hotel room key. HAHA! It is now my favorite souvenir. The key said "60" on it so Mason read it as GO! And go we did, without showers or anything because the tub was filthy. The toilet seat had BURNS on it. I wondered aloud what kind of dreg would set his smoke on the toilet seat, and John told me it was probably somebody cooking up some crank. SWEET.

We took off and had a hearty breakfast of Hostess Berry Pies in the truck. We were alternately listening to A book on CD and System of A Down, with the occasional local rock station thrown in. I had a raging headache before Reno, where we stopped at the IN-N-OUT for a delicious meal of burgers and fries.

Not nearly soon enough we got past Reno and to Washoe Valley, which is where DeLane lives as well as the Captain and Tenille. (Swear to god. Never saw them, although they were the Grand marshals of the July 4th parade in Virginia City. I was too lazy to hike up from our picnic spot, and therefore missed out.)
That night, my sister in law Carrie and her family came to Delane's house for dinner. You might remember Carrie from my wedding. She's the one who sang the 5 hour version of American Pie, and then went out with us to Hoops where she told my brother she would get her own ride home. At the age of nineteen, in a strange town.

You might chalk that up to her age, but evidently this is a pattern with her. Over dinner she told us the story of staying in Reno with her husband for her company Christmas party. Evidently they got into a bit of a tiff and she walked out of the hotel the party was at, intending to go back to their hotel. At 2AM.

She got lost, and some long hair guy pulled up beside her and offered her a ride. Since she had to pee really really bad, she accepted the ride and called her Mom from the car telling her all about the nice man who picked her up on the strip. Then she got mad at her mom and hung up on her, leaving her to worry all night. Fortunately the man she was with was not a serial rapist (as if she'd remember, she was so drunk) and he dropped her off at her hotel. Upon arriving at her door she realized she forgot her key. And she still really has to pee badly. So she looked at her options, and using her infinite good sense decided it would be bad to pee on the carpet. So she went to the area where the pop and ice machined were, because it was on tile. We looked at her in horror until she said "Oh, come on you guys, there was a drain!" Only after she relieved herself did it occur to her to go to the front desk to ask for her key.

That night, our first evening in town, she got so drunk she had to crash at her mom's, and I had to get up with her babies all night as she was too passed out to hear. This would become a pattern on our trip. Fortunately we weren't the only sober ones there so I did manage to get some sleep.

We went to FolkLife today. LAME. Although I did get to park at Jen's house so I got to see her new tits. Total porn star knockers. Very nice. Makes me wish I was batting for a different team.

I better go clean something so I can stomp around in righteous indignation later.

We're the bloodhound gang,

Nicole

You ain't gonna believe this shit...

As John was going not only to see his Mom but also his stepdad Rick who raised him, he packed his 45 caliber hand-cannon, which normally lives on the top shelf in the garage. (Attention Burglars: It's gone now.) It seems that what passes for entertainment in Dayton (AKA the Wiley City of Nevada) involves jackrabbits and high-caliber handguns. Who Knew?

Actually, after expressing my distaste at taking pleasure in killing bunnies, they drove us out into the desert and set up some pop cans to shoot at. I missed em all. I thought I would enjoy the 45, but thought it too heavy and unwieldy, so Kevin (AKA boomhauer) gave me his Glock to shoot. Again I missed. The best part was the terror in their eyes when I forgot I was holding and actual real live firearm without a safety latch and swung around to ask John a question halfway through my clip. Hardy har. They almost peed their pants.

The gun trip was cut a bit short however when Rick stepped behind a rock to pee and came upon a baby rattlesnake. Being older and wiser, he did the practical thing , and picked it up to show the kids. Then the frightened children were loaded into the truck bed for safety. Seeing as we had three guns between us, Rick again did the most practical thing and ripped the snake's head off with his bare hands.Of course, being raised by Rick, my sweet darling man threw the decapitated snake into the back of our truck so he could skin it and mount it for Eli.

Whilst the women-folk prepared the evening repast back at the ranch, the boys then proceeded to dissect the snake and found a whole, partially digested lizard inside. I thought he looked a little preggo, but fortunately I was too polite to say anything. So now, in my home, resides an eight inch rattlesnake skin mounted to a board with construction staples.

Stay tuned, so many more stories to come.

Return of the nomad

Yes, we just got in. Too late to go into detail about the trip. I'll tease you with some highlights.

1. On the way down in the car, Mason sang along to "what I got you gotta get it put it in you"
2. There was gunplay. I participated.
3. Virginia City rocked last night for fireworks.
4. My mother in law needs to be worshipped. Really. I saw the inside of the casinos way more than I saw my kids.
5. I have something like 10 neices and nephews and they are all really cute.