I'm starting to get really freaked out by this.

Or maybe she just grew up watching TV like us.
Or maybe she ate too much Krab.



Two hundred and forty dollas worth of puddin'.

12 hours...

Until we're loaded up and mooovin out.

I will try to post from NV, if they even have electricity there (kidding) because I am sure with this being a Matthews Family Reunion and all there will be plenty to talk about. I'm hoping "Uncle" Jimmy (He's the punk who stole my jeep...let's just call him PUNKLE) is out of jail so I can see John get into a fistfight and be all manly. ROWR. Yeah, Punkle's going down

Seriously.. I can't wait to see my Mom-in-Law (wait...did I just say that?) cause I lurve her and she babysits, plus Brian Matthews will be flying down next friday with his lurvely Bride Anne (who, if I was a lesbian, I would totally date. You know, if she was a lesbian too. Not that she is, I'm just sayin'...) She's just like me in that curvy, dark-haired, got knocked up before she was married kind of way.

I have my starbuck's card loaded and ready, and a man who is not only willing to drive but willing to not drive straight through 13 hours this time, for the love of god, because he is afraid of me. He also made a special point to say he would pick up my prescription tomorrow, first thing, because I am almost out of pills and ...did I mention he is afraid of me?

BTW, did you know Starbucks make coffee liqueuruer (can't spell).

Well, wish me luck. Looks like the first leg o' the trip promises to be at least 8 hours and alcohol free..

Vogue,

Nicole

It's Damn Spooky, Is What It Is

"I don’t regret how any of this went, really. I regret very few things, mostly because I’ve seen Back to the Future enough times to know that, had things gone differently, I wouldn’t be the person I am now, and I’m not adventurous enough to take on a different present me."-Sarah Brown, Que Sera Sera, Nov 14, 2004

Your new business card could say:

J. Linder
Dental Critic

You completely have the knack for a good dental office critique. You should totally freelance. I think your new job should be reviewing all of the dental hygenists in the Seattle-Metro area. They could put your column in The Stranger underneath Dan Savages column (Hey, Faggot!)

In other news, still plowing through Sarah Brown's Blog.

She is totally the missing third of our brain. I present as evidence:

"My birthday is in less than two weeks, and while I will be celebrating with a coed slumber party (more on that later), I won’t be celebrating 26. I decided that I wasn’t really satisfied with how I spent 25—there was a lot of squandering and laziness and some poor decisions—so I’m calling a do-over. Therefore, on June 10, I’ll turn 25 Part II: Electric Boogaloo."

-Sarah Brown, Queserasera.org, May 28, 2003.

That, or we're not as original and funny as we thought.


Pumpupthejam,

Nicole

Priceless

"Feeling like Marty McFly trying to go Back to the Future..."


I Lurve You.

That one made me laugh so hard I think I peed a little.

Well said.
Last night I was reading Que Sera Sera,(because I am already up to date on dooce), and John asked me if I wanted to get a new book for our trip. I started to give my pat answer (as opposed to my "Pat" look) "i don't have time to read anymore" but it hit me that it was 1AM and I had been reading blogs for three hours. Uhhh...I guess I do have time, I just spend it in front of the computer. What a sad sack of shit I've become.

Check this out as well:

suburbanbliss.net

I find it odd that there are all these hilarious and cool women on the internet yet I've never met one in real life. Maybe all women are this hilarious and cool, but are afraid to be that way in public? I don't know...of course I live in yakima, too.

Apropos of nothing, remember STEVE from blues clues?

You know, Ellie has a mad crush on him. Figures.

Que Sera Sera....check it out.

I just found this cute blog. She's pretty clever, but the best part is the comments in the archives.
Go to Feb 27, 2002 and read the comments. Jesus. And I thought I was the only one with a rich fantasy life.

"In my spare time, I would entertain the crew by lip synching in Ten Forward"
nicole


PS....just read this one.

damn, gina

She rocks....

Did ya read dooce today?

"I get to sit around and watch colored, uncircumcised penises dance around a stage that looks like a scene from someone’s acid trip and YOU THINK I HATE MOTHERHOOD?"

I couldn't have said it better.

On shopping, packing, laundry

Frantic. Probably ten loads of laundry to be washed, dried, folded and put away/packed. Two crazy kids home with me today, including Maddie. She needs to nap, I may slip her some of that hooch.

Went out to dinner last night with my girls, a good time was had by all even though everyone was tired. We ranted about Old Navy, caught up, made fun of my fake tan. GOod times.

I think we are now leaving friday afternoon, and stopping somewhere in oregon for the night. But I married a Matthews, so plans are going to change at any given point. I am getting used to this, really I am. Uh-huh.

I just bought this duvet. Retail = 250 bucks. Ebay...$76 OH YEAH BABY.

I am a moron, and of course it will come while I'm gone. I hope one of my neighbors picks it up. Or would you like to house-sit for a week?? HMMM???

I really need to get busy. Feel free to come help me at any point.

LURVE,
nicole

An update....

I came in first in the poker tournament. Fifty bucks, baybay. I'm so money and I don't even know it.

We are leaving on vacation friday. or saturday. or sunday. It all depends on JOhn's half-brother's wedding, whether there will be shit dealt out for skipping it, and ultimately whether or not I want to drive all night saturday if we go to said wedding. FUN!!!

I bought new clothes today. Have you ever seen that commercial where the mom is trying on clothes and the kid says "I HAVE TO GO POTTY RIGHT NOW" and the mom takes her to the potty in the dress she's trying on?

Yeah that happened to me today except I was ALMOST NAKED when he said that, so instead of wearing a hot black dress with tags on I hastily threw on my clothes, and manuvered the cart with sleeping baby in it out of the dressing room, and clear across target befor noticing my shirt was on inside out and backwards. Oh, yeah, and my fly was down too. Not a good look, Muriel.

The magical floating fourth floor....

Please tell me you meant to say there is nobody above the fourth floor......

Aaanyywaaaaay,

Glad the phobic landlady didn't call... You don't need the drama... Although you live in SEATTLE for Chrissake. Welcome to the nineties, Mr Banks.

Low key day, didn't even shower. Did dinner last night with all the kids. Good time, bad food.

I currently in second place in a poker tournament. I rock.

I hope you get the other apartment. Sounds nice, with cathedral ceilings we could go to ikea and buy more mirrors.

Now I'm in first place. I rock out with my sock out.

I should take out that disturbing link I showed you, since you link to me now. I would hate for your mom or sister to stumble across that. But if your dad did I would have kittens from laughing so hard.

Speaking of links, I've put none in this post so here are a couple of my faves:

dooce...
THere is a lot of kid-related stuff in here but is all so hilariously freaking funny. If you get a less than laugh so hard you cry funny post, just go through the damn archives.

dear buster
Advice column, again tres funny.

So I just dropped to second place again.

Oh, the drama. I should pay attention so I'll tell you how I end up tomorrow.

Don't cry for me argentina,

nicole

Beware....

You know, how sometimes you see a new product on TV, and even though the commercial is so stupid you want to puke and you say to yourself "Sounds like Boone's to me" you still manage to convince yourself that technology has come a long way, and there is no way some large company is going to invest millions of dollars into a stupid ad campaign if it's going to be as bad as you think, plus you're at the grocery store buying milk with your WIC checks and you know if you spend more than five dollars on wine the clerk is going to roll his eyes and be rude, so you see the display of Arbor Mist Blackberry Merlot and actually convince yourself it can't be that bad, and dammit you really want a glass of wine and DAMN THE SAFEWAY CLERK TO HELL but you really really need a glass of wine today; so you go through the checkout with your WIC milk and your $3.49 bottle of Arbor Mist Blackberry Merlot and that son of a bitch still rolls his eyes and you just know he's going to go home and bitch about alcoholic welfare mothers to his wife, and when you finally get home you need that wine sooo much more but it isn't as bad as Boone's, in fact it is much, much worse and you have no alternative (other than drinking the hooch SIG made my brother and John for Christmas) so you put it in the smoothie blender with a pound of ice and a cup of sugar and it's still really really bad.

I hate when that happens.

Shout Out....

To the Chuckster. I'm really not ignoring you, I am just really wrapped up in my own little world. Good luck on your new hizz-ouse.

If you would like to be disturbed go.... (link removed for the sake of all that is good and holy)


Peace out.

Top Ten Reasons I Am Posting Twice In One Day

10. I don't want to do the dishes.
9. Tivo is recording two movies right now, neither of which I want to watch.
8. Tom Cruise is marrying Katie Holmes, even though she has those huge cold sores all over her mouth.
7. The baby is asleep.
6. You should really check out the writing gigs on craigslist.org.
5. I am out of money in my on-line poker account.
4. I am out of beer.
3. I am out of Ambien.
2. Did I mention I don't want to do the dishes?
1. It's Friday night, and my hyperactive social life left me about five years ago.

If it's brown....

Yo, Linder

So Happy to see you stopped by!!! How exciting about your class and the film. I will definitely be coming for the screening.

I finished up my quarter a couple weeks ago. Good grades, too. I am 3.88 for the quarter (13 creds) and when you average it with my ass-suck grades from 13 years ago my GPA is 2.5.

I think I'm going to get an academic renewal. It will help me get into Radiology, but then I lose all those many humanities credits I actually passed. Decisions, decisions.

Jesus gay, these kids are driving me nuts.

In other news, John is moving his store to the Valley Mall Plaza. Which is good, except for the fact that I mortgaged my house and signed a personal guarantee on the lease. (Which is hilarious if you think about it, we know what my personal guarantee is worth.) Ah, well. None of it will matter when the world runs out of oil and we are all reverting back to medieval times. (Which is a restaurant I'd like to go to when we go to Reno next week, but I digress.) Actually I am hoping to pick up some hints. My survival garden is struggling, I am trying to train it to go without water for long stretches (OK, maybe not intentionally....but you know how lazy I am) but the zucchini seems to be the only thing that won't die. We may decide to get a few pets.

We are going to Carson city next Friday to see John's family. Good Times. We will be there through the fourth, and I have every intention of dropping John and the kids off in the desert and gettin' my party on in RENO. It's not that bad, really, he was raised as a nomad in the desert. He knows the importance of conserving water and I have no doubt he will quickly be able to teach the children the important rules of survival. (If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown flush it down.)

Well, I have four wild monkeys in my house and need to shower. Next time I will tell you about the kid who came over last week and said "We never had bugs in our house" and "My mom never lets our house get dirty."

(parenthetically,)

(nicole)

Yo, Linder

I am tired of searching through my cluttered email for your address. When I see some crazy shit, I want to tell you about it, but there are TOO MANY STEPS INVOLVED in getting ahold of you. Sure, I could call, but uninterupted telly time happens between 12AM and 6AM here and I doubt you would appreciate that.

So here is your blog. It's just for you. You may share it with whomever you like. I am writing everything to you. (Althought there may be a good portion of bitching about my life I probably wouldn't bore you with over the phone or in an email......Let's pretend you live here and we see eachother all the time...OK?)


First thing I wanted to tell you:

New Ben & Jerry's Flavor


new to me, at least. Remember I live in Yakima.

Love, nicole